Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
