I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just googled if crying burns calories
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
