Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
