I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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