If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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