I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
