Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
