In the future we'll all be gay
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
