Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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