I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
