My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
