I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
