Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so explain again why im purple
no
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
