You smell like a Billy Joel song
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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