There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
