Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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