VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Still dying that you shit outside
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
