I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
