Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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