THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
