Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
