I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My feet surprised me
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