You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
