The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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