Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
