Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
