time to smoke my breakfast
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
