just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
