You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
