Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
