"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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