I bet he comes in French.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
