i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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