yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
