No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
