Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
