Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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