My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
