i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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