You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
