I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
