tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
