no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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