i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
