She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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