Yo dont text me then not text me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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