I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
