Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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