he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
