i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
