Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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