So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
