I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
